I wish someone had told me

I wish someone had told me

he wouldn’t be wearing a black coat

or hiding down an alley.

I wish someone had told me

he wouldn’t be old or ugly

but actually really fucking beautiful:

the charming kind

the kind who knows it

with a normal name

like Jonny, Dan, or Cam.

I wish someone had told me

my friend would egg me on

tell me to go home with him

even when I didn’t want to.

I wish she hadn't told me

he was a good guy

and I didn’t need to worry.

I wish someone had told me

I wouldn’t even be that drunk

just enough to weaken me

and numb my common sense.

I wish someone had told me

I wouldn't even realise until the next day

and after saying "no" twenty times

and using all my strength to resist.

I wish someone had told me

It would take me five weeks to go to the police

while the sheet lay under my bed,

and that even then they wouldn't believe me.

I wish someone had told me

I'd still be thinking about it a year later

and a part of me would still believe

it was my fault.